The Ceann Comhairle of
Dáil Éireann has declared an amnesty on all political promises made
before the last general election. The amnesty, which runs until until
the Dáil reconvenes later this month, allows parliamentary parties to present unfulfilled pre-election promises
and downright lies for decommissioning, thereby putting them beyond
use by opposition parties.
It is estimated that
almost 97% of speaking time in the Dáil is spent on accusations and
counter-accusations of hypocrisy. It is hoped that by allowing the
political parties to formally put aside their pre-election promises
they can move on from the pretence of actually representing the
electorate and instead focus on the real work of securing allowances,
expenses and pensions for themselves.
The Labour Party will
undoubtedly gain the most from the amnesty but there are some doubts
as to whether the party will have enough time to offload its vast
catalogue of broken election promises before the deadline expires.
There are rumours of a compromise whereby if Labour fails to
decommission all of its promises in time it can simply decommission
Eamon Gilmore in lieu.
Sinn Féin is no
stranger to the decommissioning process and is expected to waste no
time admitting that most of its T.D.s are in fact mass-murdering
terrorists. The party is still reeling from the embarrassing
revelation that Dublin North-West T.D. Dessie Ellis is linked to only
50 murders, an astonishingly low figure that is expected to seriously
damage the party's street cred.
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| Bertie Ahern moments before the Bank Bailout |
Fine Gael will take this opportunity to finally decommission James Reilly.
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